I’ve been with “Betty” for a number of years now. I really like her and hope we spend our lives collectively. We speak about getting married, and I really feel prefer it’s now on me to suggest. I do know as the vacations strategy she’s hoping that is it and that I am going to ask her to marry me both on Christmas or New Yr’s. I additionally know I do not plan on doing so simply but.
This shall be our fourth Christmas season collectively. The primary time, we had simply began courting, however the second time (2015), her greatest pal confided in me afterward that Betty had been hoping I might suggest. I used to be type of stunned then as a result of we hadn’t been collectively that lengthy (simply over a yr). However I remembered this final yr in the course of the holidays, and I might inform as soon as once more she hoped I might ask her to marry me.
Since then, throughout this previous yr, we now have talked extra concretely and in a extra detailed means about marriage. For instance, we agree we need to be married or at the least engaged earlier than we purchase a house, and we now have talked about how a lot we ought to be saving towards a down cost and what neighborhood we might stay in. We even have talked about whether or not we would like youngsters, extra pets, and the place we might go for a honeymoon. So the intention is clearly there. I simply do not feel prefer it’s the time but to suggest. It isn’t about not loving her. I am simply not fairly the place I need to be once we begin our lives collectively. For instance, I want to be in a extra strong spot professionally, and have a bit extra money within the financial institution too. I might love to purchase her a stunning ring and provides her the type of wedding ceremony she deserves and goals of.
I have never advised her this outright, and she or he has dropped a pair hints like how she’s able to take the “subsequent step” and she or he positive would really like one thing sparkly for Christmas. Ugh. Ought to I simply inform her straight up that I am not going to suggest this season? It looks like that is perhaps higher than having her stress about it and anticipate it for the subsequent month, solely to finish up disillusioned. However I do not need her to assume I do not love her sufficient or that I am not critical about us. Assist?
The excellent news is you’ve got discovered somebody fantastic who likes you again, and who appears giddily gung-ho concerning the lengthy haul. The dangerous information is you are out of sync, and since this mismatched tempo could be the demise knell for a lot of duos, it is good that you simply’re fascinated with each of your associated emotions and motivations and one of the best path ahead.
It is commonplace that certainly one of you is able to “take the subsequent step” whereas the…